Lately I’ve been bothered by the amount of terrible food writing I come across. Whether it come from a professional news source, an amateur blog, or anything in between, the amount of garbage content that I see has been increasing at an alarming rate. So the chocolate chip caramel bars at the top of this post are just to grab your attention. Now that I hopefully have it, let’s talk about shitty food writing.
Now, I’m not claiming that my writing is on par with Mark Bittman and the like, but it is at least above the level of a second grader with English as a second language. Some of the shit I’ve seen would be criticized by kids who still have to sound it out before they can make sense of it. So I’m going to use this post to highlight some of the most common problems I’ve been seeing.
Your Descriptions Suck – This is the by far the most common offense. Let’s get a few things straight.
-Crunchy is not a taste
-Yummy is not a texture
-Ommy-nommy is not a fucking word, and is deserving of a punch in the mouth.
You’re Dragging it Out – If you’re going to write at some length about a particular item, try to do so efficiently. Your description of the cherry flavor from your box of popsicles should not be dragging on for more than a paragraph. Further, depending on the complexity of the item(s) it should be covered in one review. If today’s review is grape kool-aid, and I’m supposed to check back another time for orange, guess what? Nobody cares and….nobody cares.
Your photos suck – alright, this isn’t writingper se, but it’s probably the second largest problem I see. Get yourself a clean background – don’t have ketchup stains, and crumbs all over your work space..and get that sticker off your poster board. If that feels too plain, table-scape that shit. Hey, add a storm trooper! Just make sure it’s clean, and make sure it’s clear. We all had that first LG camera phone back in 2001 man…time to upgrade.
So that was just some quick and general advice. If you would like a thorough analysis on
why your shit is horrendous how to improve your content, feel free to get in touch for a private consultation. I may be heavy on the criticism, even offensive, just remember it’s constructive.
Now, you might be saying, “Well your site isn’t perfect Mr. Rodzilla!” and you’re absolutely right, Street Stang Tiffani, it’s not. In fact, I get routine critical (and creepy) emails from an online stalker, but hey, at least I’ve got one…and with a little work, you can too.