I’m no stranger to pizza. I’ve had arguably the best Pittsburgh has to offer, and what many consider the best frozen pies in the country (Okay, I’m done with the self promotion now). All of this “best” talk probably makes me seem like some sort of pizza elitist; I’m not. Ellio’s pie is anything but gourmet, but it’s New Look! and $3 dollar price tag were enough to get me to throw it in the basket.
There are three frozen rectangles with three slices each, that’s two of them above. The hole structure found on the crust is a clever design by the manufacturers. Not only does it allow for even heat distribution, but also tells consumers to lower their expectations - a lot.
I already knew what I was getting into when I bought this pie. I wasn’t looking for anything spectacular, just something satisfactory, or shitty enough to write something slightly humorous about. To my surprise, it ended up being both.
|Out of the oven|
Ellios pizza lies somewhere between a lunchables and Papa Johns. Salivating yet? Probably not, but I doubt you’re entirely turned off either. The crust is doughy, the sauce has a tomato paste sweetness, and the cheese is pre-shredded bland mozzarella. Yet somehow it works. The less than stellar constituents would be terrible eaten individually, but when distributed in the proper ratio they make for a decent pizza experience. I will recommend a quick stay under the broiler if you enjoy a bit of cheese crisping.
|and from under the broiler.|
I like to keep my grading consistent, but you really can’t compare Ellio’s to a pizza like American Flatbread or even Trader Joe’s. So to be clear consider the latter two Pizza’s as having received their grades in a advanced statistical analyses course, and Ellio’s to have received it’s grade in remedial math. You might think that’s too easy a class, but you’ve probably forgotten all about long division, and it is much more of a challenge than remedial lunch.
|For the nutrition crew – not too bad, eh?|